Job Description

"All we have left is memories now..."

Remember when you were a kid and your parents would be on the phone with their relatives? Your aunt, uncle, grandparent, etc.? And you just happened to be walking by and hear them say "Oh yes, she's good. She's actually right here, hold on." Then you drag your feet to the phone and have the typical conversation with someone you don't really know.

"How's school?" 
"Good" 
"How's your other sibling?" 
"Good." 
"You behaving yourself?" 
"Yes..."

My conversations with my grandpa were different. Grandpa would then go into a speech. I would never get it at the beginning, just a general topic about life, but I would still listen. The speech would get more detailed and he would grab my attention by hitting the nail on the head by saying something that directly had to do with a current situation in my life. Whether it was about friendships, relationships, work or school, he always had an encouraging word. 

I always hung up the phone grateful that I just happened to walk by at the right time to have the right conversation with my grandpa to get me through whatever I was dealing with at that time. When he started to get sicker, it was my turn to return the favour. I reminded him to look on the bright side, to give thanks, keep his head up.

I have a very real fear of hospitals and he went in the last days of our trip to the UK. Everyone went up to see him, and I couldn't get past the lobby. Actually, I didn't even get to the lobby. I stood at the doors.
I always planned to call him when I was visiting in Toronto when he got out of the hospital, just to encourage him one more time, to have one more special conversation just between us...but we never had that call.

And that's selfish of me. Because he was in a lot of pain and it was time for him to be at peace. So I'm throwing away this silly concept of guilt, this idea of not having done enough. Many people don't get to create memories with their grandparents. God gave me several with this man."All we have left is memories now, Steph". That's what my grandma said when I spoke with her on the phone. And I will cherish all of those memories.

Love you, Grandpa. R.I.P.

Philippians 4:6

I got a job...

My parents think I'm depressed. Ever since I lost my job, I've just been hanging out at home. The first few days were amazing. Netflix and I became the best of friends. The next few days were a little crabby. When my parents would come home and ask what I've done the whole day, I would declare "Nothing" and then go on to defend myself that after, oh about 20 years of schooling, doing nothing is just fine. I think I was just trying to convince myself more than them. 

I've had a few meetings with staffing agencies and they seemed encouraging about finding me a job. I was never really worried to be honest. I wasn't in denial. God has always taken care of me so far, so why would I start doubting Him now? That doesn't mean I sat around waiting for a phone call. Every day I would go on my laptop and check job postings. I just lived my life. 

So these past few days, my mom has been checking up on me more often. She's been calling more and yesterday she tried to have some kind of a 'heart to heart' with me. I was literally lying in my bed waiting for the sun to go down so I could go for a run. She started asking if I'm sad or frustrated and went on to tell me that I shouldn't be. No one expects me to work right away and I deserve a break after four years of school.

I said, "Five."

She said, "What?"

I said, "It was five years."

She said, "Yeah, whatever. Anyways..."

I had an interview a couple days ago and it was pretty promising so I wasn't worried. I just had to wait. My mom called again today. I had to act awake since it was 1:00 in the afternoon. I could tell by her voice that she thought I was down in the dumps. She said she'd talk to me later. Half an hour later, my dad called asking if I was okay. I told him Mom thought I was depressed, and he laughed, but then he went on to tell me the same thing she told me. Take a break, listen to some music, chill out, you've worked hard. I get it, don't worry.

The main speaker at the conference I mentioned in my first post said there are people out there who hate their job, but they have to be humble; they have to wait. I thought he was referring to the job I was in and got fired from. These past couple days, I've been thinking that maybe this is the job I have to be humble in. I don't expect to hate it, but I know I have to start somewhere near the bottom if I want to get to the top (shameful Drake reference) so I have to accept all the experiences that are going to come my way.

By the way, the agency called... I start on Wednesday. Ironically (but not really ironically because God planned it this way), my mom told me yesterday that she would take me shopping on Tuesday. Of course I would want to start working on Monday, but God put that gold speck in place so I could still go shopping.

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all he has done."

Proverbs 3:5-6

I got fired...

That's right. I got fired. The thing is I've been meaning to quit this job for awhile. I knew ever since January that I was going to quit this job in April. I told myself that no matter what, even if I didn't have another job lined up, I was going to leave this job in April. Was it that bad? Worse.

I even got my friend a job there. He insisted on me helping him get the job even though I told him I wasn't happy there. I subconsciously decided he could replace me. Once he started, I would be gone. Of course he got the job. Employees were getting fired and quitting left and right.

I went to a church conference just before my friend started his training and the guest speaker prayed for people who hated their jobs. He prayed that they become humble in their positions and patiently wait until it was God's time for them to go through a transition. That was not what I wanted to hear. God wants me to wait here in this crappy job? How do I humble myself in such a position?

I prayed. I prayed every day for God to humble me. I also prayed that whatever he has for me, I'm ready for it. I may not have been ready before, but I was ready now. I was on the brink of something. I'm graduating in a couple months. I'm ready for, not just the next step, but the next chapter.

I went out with my friend yesterday and she asked what I needed prayer for. A man in my life? No, not a priority. A job. I'm ready to go. I have these wings that are barely flapping. I need to start living. She didn't mind if I flapped my wings. As long as I didn't go too far.

I got the call last night. Funny enough I got fired for missing my shift that I had requested off to go to the church conference. This is the ultimate humility challenge. I can be humble while working and praying for a better job. I think my real prayer starts now. True humility will begin after I pick up my last paycheque and it sinks in that it's my last paycheque.

I have to put my complete and total trust and faith in Him now. I have no doubt this is a gold speck in disguise that just needs a little dusting off.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."